The Automotive Adventures of Team Hall & Nass

Chapter One – Rent a Rally Racer

After some last minute changes, we had to plan to depart for the rally from our place in Dallas rather than from our home base in Las Vegas. When we came to this realization, we knew we would need to rent a ride versus bringing one of our own. C6 Corvettes are the vehicle of choice for Team Hall & Nass as we know the capabilities of them well. We rent a lot of cars from Hertz for business and could get a better deal than Joe Public. Plus, Hertz usually maintains their cars very well. So after some research, we decided that the Hertz ZHZ Corvette was our best rental option. However, this leads to the first lesson learned – Hertz performance rental cars are not as well maintained as they need to be!

We arrive at Hertz to discover that the two ZHZ Corvette coupes they have on hand are both what one might call NOT up to par. One has brake fluid blacker than the horribly old motor oil on the stick. Not driving that one! The other has obviously been wrecked in the front and not repaired properly. Alignment issues much?!? Both cars are missing part (or all) of the air dam, the cars look worse for wear and the tires are not the best looking. We’re not going down the road at speed in anything like that! Fortunately, sitting in the next row were three brand new ZHZ Corvette Convertibles that were not trashed (yet).

Here is where I’d like to say that Hertz is usually great to deal with and they really do a good job with their cars. However, if you’re reading this Hertz, if you can’t maintain the Corvettes any better than this, you really shouldn’t rent them out. That, or only rent them to people who already own them OR have sanctioned racing licenses who will (maybe) return them in a condition that you don’t have to do as much to maintain. Joe Public has no business driving one anyway, thus leading to many of them being trashed, I’m sure. Keep them for those of us who can drive and let the rest have a Camry. Just a thought.

Fortunately for our competitors, we had to select the convertible. Why? Without the hard roof and a lack of bolt in roll bars and harnesses, I wasn’t going to push it as hard. Also, you have to keep it under 167 MPH or the convertible top will structurally fail. I happen to know that the coupe is good for 190 and cruises along nicely in feel and on all the temps at a constant 170+. So fortunate is probably the right word.

Think we’re bragging? Well, ask other Dustballers we ran with. If they were near us at any point in the rally where we weren’t “behaving” specifically to avoid Hamthrax or deep into the twisties, then they likely know how lucky the field was we didn’t have the safety equipped coupe with us. That said, you can probably guess what we’re going to be bringing to the Dustball next year …! 😉

Preface – Team and Event Background

The Team – Team Hall & Nass is an open road racing and rally team based in the Southwestern United States. Up until this event, we raced under our legal, parent-given names. After this event, we have created “stage names” for reasons that will become apparent within the story. Let’s just say that some things you do in this life you want credit for, but there are some that are better left off the books … at least until the statute of limitations expires! 😉

Driver Johnny Hall and Co-Driver/Navigator Taylor Nass, known for their crazy open road antics and other such foolishness in the world of speed, this year decided to tackle one of the toughest gimmick road rally challenges in the world, the Dustball Rally 1500.

This is the story of what really went on out there on the road … from our view.

The Event – The Dustball Rally 1500 (DustballRally.com or @DustballRally on Twitter) is NOT your typical road rally. It is billed as a 100% legal “gimmick rally” and as “a rally, not a race.” In reality, it is a 1,500 mile test of: intelligence (or a glaring realization of a personal lack thereof) in solving riddles/math problems/clues to find gimmicks; personal driving capability; and endurance of man/woman and machine! As an added bonus, it is the least expensive/best organized time you can have in a fast car on the open road. Think Bullrun or Gumball but with more mental challenges. In a word, it is “INSANE!!!” Team Hall & Nass LOVES automotive insanity, so this is the perfect event for us!

The Car – 2009 C6 Z51 Corvette Convertible ZHZ, 6-Speed Automatic, Top Speed 190 MPH (167 MPH with convertible top up). Yes, it’s a rental, and no, Hertz doesn’t know!

The Gear – Garmin Nuvi 885t Voice Activated 3D GPS w/Trapster Police Location Tracking Software, Hertz Magellan GPS, Valentine One V1 Radar/Laser Detector, Escort Passport Radar Detector, Uniden Bearcat 200 Police Scanner, IBM ThinkPad Laptops (2) w/extra batteries (running Trapster Live, Google, Twitter, Rand McNally Maps, Weather.com and iTunes), iGo Laptop Power Solution, Sony HDD 60GB Camcorder w/extra batts, Olympus Digital Camera w/extra batts, Windows Media Smart Phone w/extra batteries (tethered to Verizon High Speed EvDO wireless access for laptop internet access), LG EnV Verizon Wireless Phone (for calls and backup tweeting), 2GB iPod Shuffles (2), Maui Jim Polarized Sunglasses (2 pairs each), California Creations  Collapsible Coolers (2), Refreezable Ice Packs (3), Gatorade, AMP Lightening Energy Drinks, Bottled Water, PB&J Sandwiches!

The Mantra – IF YOU’VE JUST BEEN PASSED, THEN YOU’RE NOT HALL & NASS!

The Plan – Get to the lead quick, figure out what it takes to win the gimmick portion of the rally, stay out front, and arrive first at each checkpoint … or as close as possible!

The Goal – To Win! Secondly, to finish the rally in one piece, not die trying, and to stay out of jail along the way. Last (but certainly not least), to use this initial run as a learning tool for being competitive in future Dustball Rally and other like rally events.

The Hamthrax – You will hear us refer to something called “Hamthrax” throughout the story. Hamthrax is our tongue-in-cheek name we came up with for law enforcement. To contract Hamthrax is to be caught by law enforcement of some variety while driving, usually at an accelerated rate. We thought about referring to them as “Swine Flu” but decided that might not be so nice. Believe it or not, Team Hall & Nass respects law enforcement and we appreciate that they have a tough job to do. We just try to avoid contact with them at all cost so they can focus their time and efforts on solving real crime. We like to think of it as offering yet another valuable public service! 🙂

The Hamthrax Avoidance Tips (HATs) – Team Hall & Nass cares about everyone on the roads! Therefore, we issue HATs from time to time (usually via Twitter, but may start issuing them via this blog too). HATs are friendly tips we put out there to help our fellow enthusiasts and fans avoid contracting Hamthrax!

The Pirate Pig – Pirate Pig is our loveable mascot and our good luck charm. He adorns our ride via many custom decals. He wears a skull cap with skull and crossbones on it, an eye patch (obtained thru previous Hamthrax battles) and sticks his tongue out at his conventional swine brethren. Pirate Pig has been called a rebel, a menace and an outlaw, but we know and love him as our faithful teammate. He exists as a reminder of the dangers we face on the open roads and to put a friendly face on providing Hamthrax protection for all! GO PIRATE PIG! :@)~

The Foolishness – As you’ll read, the only thing Team Hall & Nass is serious about is safety. We drive fast, but we always drive safe. If you’re not aware, you are a danger. That goes to everyone out there paying no attention in the left lanes around the world! Wake up and drive smart! Everything else about this is pure 100% foolishness and we love every minute of it!

The Result – You’ll just have to keep reading to find out how we ultimately did in the 2009 Dustball Rally 1500!

Forward

It has taken us quite a bit longer than anticipated to prepare these stories for you. However, after you dig in, we think you’ll understand why. There are so many awesome stories we have to share with you from the 2009 Dustball Rally 1500 that we could actually write a book about it. So rather than post a million-page blog entry, we’ve decided to divvy this up into a more user friendly, easier to digest segmented format. Therefore, check back often as we continue to post new chapters of this story as fast as we can write/edit/publish them.

We sincerely hope you all enjoy the good, the bad, the ugly, and the “you really had to be there to believe them” moments from our Team Hall & Nass running of the 2009 Dustball Rally.

This story may be ours, but it is for you, our loyal, wonderful and absolutely mad fans. We appreciate your support and we really do love you all!

Please Note – There are several items disclosed in these stories that will make you laugh, cry, cringe, and even some we probably shouldn’t disclose until the statute of limitations expires in certain states! Most readers will cheer our antics, but if you happen to subscribe to the Ralph Nader school of safe driving, just know that you may experience outrage! However, love it or otherwise, we’re just posting the truth as we lived it.

Furthermore, reading this story is guaranteed to cause side effects in fellow petrolheads that may be hazardous to your health, your driving record and your insurance rates. It has already been known to induce rally fever in others! New teams have formed and signed up for the 2010 Dustball Rally as a result. Now that you’ve been warned and the legalese has been covered, read and enjoy at your own risk!

See y’all out there on the open roads and tracks of the world!

Johnny and Taylor

Team Hall & Nass

GO PIRATE PIG! :@)~

PS If you’d like to share your thoughts with Team Hall & Nass, have questions for us, or if you are interested in sponsorship opportunities on our team car(s), feel free to @ or DM us on Twitter @TeamHallnNass or email us at TeamHallnNass (at) yahoo.com. We happily provide media interviews, do public appearances & other crazy things on request.